neptunain:

"how do we know you’re not a cop?"

could a cop do this?

[unarmed black teen walks by without getting harassed or shot]

"ah okay you’re cool"

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casmopolitan:

if u ask me what book I’m reading i’ll either go into a long winded and enthusiastic summary of the entire thing or just lift the book to show u the title and keep reading

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bagellie:

benefits of being friends with me

  • shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
  • shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them
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  • 8 minutes ago
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glowcloud:

i love the Women Against Feminism that are like “I dont need feminism because i can admit i need my husband to open a jar for me and thats ok!” cause listen 1. get a towel 2. get the towel damp 3. put it on the lid and twist. BAM now men are completely useless. you, too, can open a jar. time to get a divorce

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Best of Autocorrect

damonssalvatoree:

lordofthedawn:

rocknrollercoaster:

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I got to “Dad” and had to scroll down and reblog for a break because I laughed so hard I nearly threw up twice.

"Killing her seems a bit harsh"

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  • 12 minutes ago
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